Up, up and away

It's been a while since I've been able to write and I hate to start off with an excuse but this time around, it's a valid one. Two words...business travel. Definitely not all it's cracked up to be. Take it from someone married to a business traveler who is away for more than half the year. In fact, as I'm writing today's post my hubby is literally en route home from his third trip this month. Meanwhile, back at home, baby Emilia is down for her long nap (mom win!) and I can finally spend some time writing.

In my previous life (aka my 20's living in NYC) I did a lot of travelling for work. I tried making the most of it by exploring each city to the fullest on my off time. I treated myself to delicious meals and got to know all too many bartenders, which typically led to an overindulgence in champagne, etc. Granted that was a time without kids and other responsibilities. On the surface, life seemed pretty good, however by the second night in a lonely hotel room, even 5-star service had its drawbacks. It started to feel like groundhog day. After a few years, and as I entered the next decade of my life I decided that I needed to feel more grounded in both career and in my relationships. I moved back home to Toronto and found a great job doing what I love. Soon after I found the man who I now call my husband.

My hubby on the other hand, started travelling (a lot!) for work a few years after we met. He went from sitting in a cubicle 9a to 5p, to being in a new city every other week. Did I mention he has a fear of flying?! At first it was a BIG adjustment for both of us and nearly drove us apart. It took us a while as a couple to adjust to the new routine but once we did, it actually made us stronger than ever. By far the most important and deciding factor is trust. It's an essential component of any relationship but it takes centre stage when you're away from the one you love for long periods of time. As a woman, wife and now a mom I needed to decide whether I had enough faith in the man I'm with to make the right decisions for us and our family while he's away. I know first hand all of the temptations that arise when you're out of sight and out of mind, so to speak, and it takes a strong willed individual in order not to give in to them. There's always a risk. Like the famous phrase goes, nothing in life is certain except for death and taxes. If you've decided you're in in for the long haul, you need to be willing to take the risk and never look back, otherwise you will spend your nights psychoanalyzing each conversation which will ultimately lead to the death of your relationship and your sanity.

So how do we make it work? There's no magic formula. Over the years I've realized that not only does it take a considerable amount of work but both sides must also be willing to concede on certain things. For instance, at first I was adamant about speaking before bed every time he was away and would get upset when he would tell me he couldn't on certain days due to dinners with clients that would stretch out well past my bedtime. I now realize that those dinners and drinks are work not play. He's there to provide for our family, not because he wants to be. Our current routine is texting and calling whenever either of us has a minute. If we can't pick up (because...life) we leave a sweet message to let one another know that we're thinking about them. Not to get all sappy, but the other day I found a note he had left behind in my shoe, knowing I would find it when I took baby Emm on her walk. Sweet nothings are EVERYTHING. We also video call whenever we get a chance, even if it's for 2 mins at a time. Those 2 mins offer the ease and comfort that I need to get me through the next day...

Over the years I have also learned to manage my time wisely in order not to think about how much time we spend away from one another. I have settled into my routine. The weeks that Dennis is away I catch up with family and friends and run most of my errands so that when he returns, most of that time is spent with one another. Quality over quantity. This means having to politely decline invitations to certain 'once in a lifetime' events, every so often. You need to prioritize what's most important to you. Just when we thought we had it all figured out, we added a baby to the mix.

Starting a family has added another dimension to our situation. We were fortunate enough to be able to spend the first few weeks together as a family without any travel getting in the way. We knew these moments would be few so we tried to make the most of every moment. These first few weeks of Emilia's life were incredibly trying and I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have Dennis' love and support. I will always be grateful for that time. As all good things come to an end, Dennis is now back to his usual travel schedule. Now not only do I miss him more than ever but it also breaks my heart to see him say goodbye to us every time he knows he has to leave. Emm and I make the most of our days and we keep one another busy in order not to notice (too much) that Papa is gone, however it's the evenings and nights that are the loneliest. What pulls us through is knowing that soon enough that front door will swing open again and all will be forgotten. Although next time, we might just jump in his suitcase...